After my dad passed away I went through a rollercoaster of emotion. Is that what I’m meant to write? I don’t think I did though. I felt numb. Emptyness. Perhaps a disconnect. We did not have an easy relationship. I’ll be honest with that. I do not remember, or at that moment I did not remember an easy, happy childhood.
People would describe great kindness from my father. At the time I felt conflicted. But now I appreciate this was something of a truth that I had chosen to forget. To use another film reference, this is the line from Inception:
Cobb: [about Mal] She had locked something away, something deep inside her. The truth that she had once known, but… she chose to forget.
I had chosen to forget this in order to match a new reality or view that was more congruent with periods of trauma. And then to be conflicted again with the opposite… well I have to try to rebuild.
OK so it’s getting late. I’ll do the origins of Trip Thirty Five next time.
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